Colleen OBrien
3 min readJan 2, 2021



Will I ever reclaim it?

I played with a guy I dated a few years ago. The first one after J.

We actually played one night until dawn. Without drugs. At least on my part. He was into coke. Which is one of so many reasons it was a short lived “relationship”. I digress.

Point being, I had played with another. And he didn’t ruin it. It didn’t even cross my mind that he had ruined it. He nor the relationship warranted giving anything up for. Sorry. He was great. Just not worth giving stuff up for.

But this one.

Will this one get Backgammon!?

When I was newly broken up with J, my best friend became very irritated with me when I wasn’t ready to watch a Laker game with her. She said. “No fucking way is he getting the Lakers!” “We were watching the Lakers long before his sorry ass showed up! Why does he get the Lakers?!” She was pissed. Made sense. Why should he get the Lakers? He got college football. That was different. He also brought it. I have been playing Backgammon for 40 years. I own Backgammon.

Did this one steal Backgammon?

The memories are super fresh and really amazing and yes, they include fucking Backgammon. He was really good. He was super quick and funny and made Backgammon funner and funnier than Backgammon had ever been. (Oxytocin)

Backgammon is in fact how I first came to appreciate just how quick and clever and fun and funny he is. I am so distorted right now. I know. I sound like an idiot. But it is true. He ruined Backgammon. For the time being. I played with my best friend once in the middle of my relationship with Backgammon Boy and it really wasn’t very much fun. It may have even been disappointing. I have been playing with her for 25 years and it has always been fun. I hope she doesn’t read this. She probably will. She is one of my 6 followers. I am distorted. Don’t listen to me. In her defense, he plays a very strange conglomeration of rules from several different versions that when combined make the game more fun and exciting. (Oxytocin) You can come back and win from almost any position. (Oxytocin) I am sure that these are not any actual rules that anyone else on earth plays by, yet they are the most fun. For now, he’s ruined it. Even if we stay together, it’s ruined. Although, if we are together I would have someone to play with. That would be another one of my famous rationalizations for keeping my relationship which I am not even sure is mine to keep in the first place.

What about Yellowstone?

I waited 5 weeks before I cheated and watched it without him. And then, of course when he resurfaced I had to watch it with him and pretend that I hadn’t seen it. “No I haven’t watched it, you?” I knew he hadn’t. He told me he doesn’t have Apple TV. That was tricky. While we were watching he would ask me about something that was happening and I would panic because I didn’t want to refer to something that hadn’t happened yet and so I just played dumb. Maybe that’s why we are breaking up? He thinks I am dumb.

I am not even sure we are breaking up.

These small acts of defiance are me taking back my power. I would not let him have Yellowstone. He was gone for 5 weeks. For no legitimate reason. If it were work or some compelling responsibility I would not have minded saving it for him. I needed to move on. With Kevin. And Beth. She is a badass. I think I need to start watching season three. It is time to get back on that horse.

My friend tells me I should write more of the “how to’s”. Those are the pieces that people read and clap for. I am over here desperately trying to figure out “how to” so I am not sure I am qualified to instruct anyone.

How to take back your power, your sports, and your board games.

  1. Find someone else to play with.
  2. Make up your own rules.
  3. Be clever and fun.
  4. Don’t panic.
  5. Play dumb.
  6. Get your hands on some Oxytocin.