Tantra for Rock Climbers

Don’t forget to pack a pair of nail clippers. This from my friend Butch who apparently knew more about what I was getting myself into than I did. My then fiancé, or maybe we were already married? (I’ll have to look that up), and I were off to Tantra Camp in Mexico. Tantra Camp. What even is that? I am pretty sure they did not advertise as “camp”. That was my interpretation. A week-long workshop at a retreat on the Rio Caliente just outside of Guadalajara, Mexico. Here we would be educated in the fine art of Tantra. Along with ten or so other couples we would attend daily classes and activities either with our partners or separated into groups by gender. At the end of each day we were sent back to our rooms to practice all of our new techniques. The course was led by a couple who had been practicing and teaching tantra for decades traveling around the world enlightening lovers everywhere.

So much, don’t know where to begin so let’s start with the nail clippers. Yes. Needed them. Also a file would have been nice. On day three or so of camp, we ladies were told to go back to our rooms and cut our fingernails. Super short. What if Butch hadn’t warned me? What if I had not packed mine? I suppose they would have lent them? The only other time I was required to cut my nails super short was when I was learning to rock climb, hence the reference… I am clever like that. I was then schooled in the art of sticking my finger in my lover’s anus. That sounds weird. I wrote “ass” but that didn’t seem literal enough and for those of you who may take this as instructional, I want to be anatomically literal. Butt Hole. That is where your finger goes. In his Butt Hole. Apparently, this is where a man’s G-spot is located. Right up there a finger segment in (maybe two), next to the prostate. This seems odd. Odd as it may be, this is the spot and men whether they are willing to admit it or not, love it. This is not to say that they enjoy prostate exams…I wouldn’t go that far although it would not surprise me.

You really have to start slow. Enter the general vicinity and ease your way toward and then in. Make sure you use lube. Something. Saliva works. Not dry! Also not something you want to do hastily. I haven’t tried, but it seems wrong. Just inside a segment or two toward the front. That I am actually writing and publishing this is crazy. Is this legal? I will have to ask someone. Amy?

I think I have said enough. You should get the idea and be able to find it at this point. They like/love it. I have come to refer to this spot as the trigger. Pull the trigger and he will fire. Can’t say it has ever failed. I have been denied access, although only a couple of times, but the move delivers.

I have had this conversation with friends and some strangers. Girls. Boys. For decades. And still. And they are mostly amazed. The women anyway. Really? Not my husband. He would not be into that. I think he would, I say. Seems pretty universal. Absolutely not my husband, one friend says. He has said so. Ok then, you can skip it. But you never know… He might simply be afraid he’d like it, and my guess is that he would. Many of my friends have simply refused to try. I am not sure why? Seems like a good idea. Maybe I need new friends.

Some friends have tried at my encouragement and most have been met with surprise, ecstasy, and yes then he fires…

Emily says that you shouldn’t surprise anyone. You should have the conversation first. About any activity involving that area on either partner, before you try it. I have never had the conversation prior. Sorry? You’re welcome. And have the conversation somewhere other than in the throws of passion. Say, over dinner. OK. Honey, can I stick my finger up your ass when I am giving you a blowjob later? Pass the potatoes please. Honey, I really want to have anal sex. This roast is delicious. So moist!

This is your call. Seems like it would make the whole thing awkward. But Emily is the expert…

Are you an ask for permission girl or a beg for forgiveness girl?

Addendum.

Just when I thought I was the local expert on the topic, I let someone new into the conversation and I was schooled. By a guy.

Apparently, you ladies can “rock climb” yourself and that is also quite the trigger. And you may even end up in the spank bank, I’m told. While sticking my finger up my ass is not particularly compelling, it becomes so if he is into it. That is of course, if you are into him, which I am, hence I am compelled to stick my finger in my ass? Did I just say that? It also seems a better alternative to some other parts you might put in there. I will stop now. It’s funnier when I talk about it. Lost in translation.

You can add that to your bag of tricks. Probs don’t have to mention over dinner beforehand.

Go ahead and surprise him:)